Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize