One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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