ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
