Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
