party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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