I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
