Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
