I'm really into asian looking animals
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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