i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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