WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
