I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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