In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
