are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
