gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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