who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
