I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
