I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
