I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
