I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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