Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize