there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
