my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
