Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
