I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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