I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
