I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
