If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was born a porn star she said
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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