I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
