This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
