I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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