This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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