Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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