I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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