3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
