would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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