i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
