he shaved USA in his pubs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
bring money and cleavage
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
