Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
