I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
