Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
