I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
