When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
