I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
