it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
