alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
