Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
