Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
