Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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