Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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