Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
