it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
