i'm signing you up for texting rehab
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
