I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
