his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
A bitchslap is in order.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
