youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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