Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
