One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
