Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
