Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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