I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
