Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
