Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
