the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
